Over the last 12 months or so I've been questioning what 'normal' is. I was having trouble accepting the fact that what our family had become was our new 'normal'.
Well Cal went back to work, I came back home full-time, and it hasn't felt right. I just felt out of control, and couldn't work out why. I used to keep this house and family so well-organised, and I really felt like I was letting the team down.
Well FINALLY I am feeling like life has returned to normal. Cal has been back at work for a few weeks, and I have been back into the usual running around like a mad-woman. I didn't think that I was going to be able to adjust back. Mums always talk about keeping all of their balls in the air (life really is a juggling act), and over the last year, I have been able to throw a few balls over to Cal to look after. Well when he went back to work, he threw those balls right back.
I have to admit that in the first few weeks I dropped a few. I used to be so proud of myself being able to keep them all in the air, and have felt really bad that I was dropping some. And I was chirping before Cal went to work about how this place was going to be running like a well-oiled machine again. Oops! Bad move. Not so well-oiled. We've been chugging along.
Well I'm finally feeling a bit more in control. I'm tired, and have to get my sleep patterns back into line, but I'm feeling a little bit more 'normal'. And this is a 'normal' that I can accept. To be honest, I think that it's a 'normal' that Cal can accept too. But I know he misses the kids. He's working quite long hours (as you do when you start a new job), and he's off to Hong Kong this week too, but we're adjusting.
So for now, I'm accepting that this is our 'normal', and it makes me smile, as it's the "normal" that we've known for so long, it's nice to welcome it back.
I love being here for my family. I love being the one they turn to. I love being able to do things for them. Basically, I just love them.
(Big smile on my face right now)