Tuesday, May 24, 2011

1950s Housewife

I often joke that I am a 1950s Housewife. I don't work, my 'job' is to purely to manage the house, the kids clean and fed and my husband happy. My name is not on the house or the cars. I have no assets. I am a kept woman.

People often ask me how I feel about it. Basically, I trust my husband. We have been together for over 16 years, and if anything bad did ever happen with our relationship, I am protected.

Anyway, my 1950s moments came to a head this afternoon, and I loved it.

We came home from school after dropping one of Ardyn's friends home. The girls went straight upstairs and started their homework. I put the kettle on and made a coffee and read the paper before starting dinner. No TV, no radio. Lovely.

I made the kids a dinner which they promptly ate without complaint (and I found it very hard to believe that they were my kids), then got themselves ready for their shower. Again, without complaint. (WTF!!)

By the time Cal got home from work, the kids had done their homework, had a play, were fed, clean and in their PJs, I had a roast in the oven and the kitchen and most of the house clean, and the three of us were sitting around the coffee table playing a very fun game of "Go Fish".

He walked through the door to a very loud greeting of Daddy!!!!

No TV. No radio. No computer. Smiles. Hugs. The smell of a home cooked meal in the oven. Happy wifey (the most important thing).

After the kids went to bed, we sat down to our roast and a glass of wine, and then he left me.

Off on a business trip for a few days. Late flight out.

I'm sure that the next few days won't be as blissful (for me), but at least he left with memories of a semi-prefect family.

Tonight I was the perfect 1050s housewife (minus the fresh lipstick, round skirt and apron). And I liked it.

K xx

Monday, May 23, 2011


You know I love my quotes, and this one made me laugh today. I received it in an email from Where Women Create.

I think that I need to have it printed up really BIG, laminated or framed and displayed somewhere for all to see. Better still, maybe tattooed on my forehead......

"I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either."

Something in me wants to add something along the lines of "In fact, this whole week isn't looking so good. Come see me next week."

Have a great day.
K xx

Friday, May 20, 2011

Mummy Guilt

We all experience Mummy Guilt to some degree. Some of us more often than others, but I think that it's one thing that we all have in common. It brings up together in some crazy, warped way. We mums put the combined weights of our familys' problems on our shoulders, and whether we can help or not, we take it extremely personally if things don't go exactly to our plan.

We love our families, and we take on their tears and triumphs.

I found myself experiencing the "tears" this afternoon as I made a decision for Ardyn.
I am putting my beautiful 6 year old daughter into therapy.
Oh my God, I can't believe that I actually said (wrote) that.

It doesn't matter that I spoke it over with Cal, and that it was a joint decision, and it doesn't matter that it is beyond my control, and at all not my fault........but I am her mummy, and I feel like that I should have been able to do something to help her before it came to this.

Ardyn has an extreme phobia of animals, especially dogs. It has gotten to the point that she won't even go to a friend's place to play if she knows that they have pets, and if we pass a dog on the street (even on a leash) she FREAKS.

Today was National Walk Safely to School Day, so I drove Bailey to preschool, and then walked Ardyn to school from there. We were walking down the street and in the far distance we could see a lady walking her dog towards us. Ardyn went hyper. I tried to calm her down and talk her through it, holding her hand and talking calmly and rationally, but she literally was running around in circles not knowing where to go to get away from this cute little puppy that was still about 30 metres away. The running was so wild that she nearly ran out onto the road. Not a very safe act during Walk Safely to School Day.

As the dog and owner got closer, and they saw Ardyn's distress, the owner did what most do when they see her shying away. They stop and tell her that it's alright and that 'she won't hurt you' whilst moving closer. I didn't have the patience to explain today and just said, "She's terrified of dogs. Keep walking." I was brash, and I apologise publicly to the lady here, but I have no idea who she is. Sorry lady with dog.

The worst part of all of it, is that Bailey is learning this behaviour. I have seen her go up to dogs with a smile and pat them, but as soon as she's around Ardyn she says "We don't like dogs, do we Ardyn?" and won't go near them. Minor problems are that we can't get a pet as she's terrified that it might (God forbid) lick or sniff her. And the one that breaks my heart is not wanting to go to new friends' houses if they have a pet.

I have no idea where this has all come from, but it's a real fear, and not one that she will grow out of any time soon. So we have sought help from a specialist anxiety clinic that has therapy programs tailored to children and their fears and anxieties. We are waiting for an opening, but I think that it's a positive thing to get this addressed before she gets too old.

So my mummy guilt is running through my veins like an unstoppable torrent. And although my logic knows that this isn't really that big a deal, I feel like as her mummy I should have been able to do something more for my baby girl.

I hate mummy guilt.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Quote love on the 'Net

"You have no reason to be down. You are somebody's reason to smile. You are somebody's reason to laugh. You are somebody's reason to breathe. You are somebody's reason to carry on. You are. Whether you know it or not."

Can't remember where I saw it. If you know where I got it from, and I can credit the author, please let me know.

K xx

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I {heart} the Brave Girls

I really needed the Brave Girls' Daily Truth today. Thank goodness it was delivered to my inbox, as it then prompted me to venture over to their Blog for the first time in ages, where I read this post.

I know that the Daily Truths and Blog entries are kind of like tabloid horoscopes that you can fit into your circumstances depending on how you read them, but my goodness these little gems resonated with me today.

I am valuable, and I do not have to prove anything.

I am smart, and brave, and loved. I am determined to be the best person I can be, whoever that may be. I am loved, and I love. Whatever I put out there will come back to me, and this is the positive image that I am putting out there......and it's not a lie.

I have a pretty great life, and I am thankful for it. And I plan to do the most with it.

K xx

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

A big thank you

To all my friends who have made comment (on and off the Blog) on my last post, I thank you. I was not looking for comments to perk me up, I was just using my Blog as an outlet (as we all do). But again, thank you for your time.

I'm sure that this is just a blip, and life will return to regular scheduled broadcasting soon, I just need to get out of this funk and work out who I am a little.

K xx

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

How embarassing!

Forgot to mention.....I STILL have a pile of gifts here, and it is growing steadily. I HAVE to get these in the mail!!!

Feeling like a teenager

And not in the good way. It's not like I have heaps of energy and feel invincible like a teenager is meant to feel.

As a teenager I was pretty anxiety-ridden. I felt like I didn't fit in, and was never going to. My dad was strict, and we didn't have much money, so I never had friends over because dad made it feel like they were an intrusion, and I just felt that we were never 'up to standard' (so to speak). I can honestly say that I have friends that I have had since high school who have never been to my parent's house.

I was so worried about what everyone else thought of me. That people were talking about me. That I'd have no friends. My biggest fear that was no one would like me.

Then when I was 16 I discovered something that I enjoyed and I was good at. It wasn't something that 'everyone' did, and no one at school really understood it or why I did it. But I discovered a new circle of friends in which most people had tried to do it. And I didn't care about what people said, I didn't care if people liked me, because people were respecting me for my abilities. It helped with my confidence, and my anxieties seemed to disappear.

I was a basketball referee, and I was a good one. I enjoyed reffing, and I loved the people I reffed with. Through basketball I discovered the closest, most tight-knit group of friends that anyone could ever have. I am so happy to say that 20 years later I am still friends with some of these people, and I still love them like I did back then.

Basketball became my life. So much so that I met my now husband through basketball (he played, I reffed) and pre-kids I worked full-time for the State Basketball Association as their Referee's Manager.

I haven't reffed for some time now. When we moved to interstate I hit the courts at the local association and LOVED it. It was still where I felt most at home. But the association went through some changes that didn't fit in with what I wanted to get out of it, and I also discovered that I wasn't willing to put as much time into it as I used to. My family came first.

My girls (and my boy) are my life now.

Then Ardyn started school last year, and I was transported back to my teenage years without basketball refereeing. Anxieties exploded through my body like they did 25+ years ago. Not for Ardyn (she's fine), for me.

How do I fit in with all these people? Will I be able to make new friends? Do they like me? Are they talking about me behind my back? Have I done something wrong??

Damn it! I feel like the kids in the playground coming home saying "Why won't the kids play with me?", and it's a feeling that I hate!!!

I am an intelligent, friendly 38 year old mother of two, who for the most part is relatively confident, but as soon as I step into that playground my confidence just plummets to my shoes and I feel alone. 18 months after Ardyn has started, she's running around as happy as Larry and I still feel as if I am struggling to find where I fit in.

And that sounds so terrible, because I have actually made some really good friends. I have met some amazing people, but I still question if they like I fit in?...........have I said something wrong?..............I'm 15 again!!! SHIT!

I do know I'm not the only one. I have bought this up with a couple of friends, and have heard/read other mummy bloggers mention it too, but it still doesn't help with the day-to-day anxieties.

I need to fin something that I am good at again. Something for ME. Something that will boost my confidence.
I'm trying. I'll get there. It will take time, but I'll get there.

In the meantime, here's a picture of me and my gorgeous girls on Mother's Day. We had a lazy day which included baking and decorating cupcakes, and had a wonderful time doing so.

I WILL get around to updating other stuff. I can hear you all saying "yeah right"..........I'll get there.
K xx

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I'm around!!!!

I am, really.
I haven't been, but now I am.

The kids are back at school, hubby has completed his half Ironman and life is (hopefully) going to return to relative normality soon. I have a to-do list as long as my arm, but I have no idea how long it will take for me to even get a third of the way through it.

First to-do it purely for ME.........but more of that later.

I have a few bloggy things that needs attending to, but they can wait for now. Right now I just wanted to touch base and let the Bog universe know that I am here.

I was just surfing the 'net looking for ........ bugger me, I can't even remember what, but I came across this Sewing Hobby room.

Imagine having a room like that?!?!?! Imagine having the SPACE to have a room like that?!?!?! Such a luxury. I'm so jealous.
You can find more details and images here if you want to see.

I should be back tomorrow. I plan to spend the day on the couch with the laptop blog-hopping and catching up on emails while intermittently loading and unloading the washing machine and dryer. Woo hoo!! What a day!!

Hope yours is more exciting.
K xx