Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Goals, resolutions....whatever you want to call them

I prefer goals. Resolutions suck!
I think that as soon as you put 'that' word to it, you break them.

Goals. Short Term. Long Term. Lifetime.
I have some rolling around in my head, if I write them down, then they have to be achieved? Right?

The first one is a biggie! It means that I have to unlearn 37 years of learned/inherited behaviour. I don't know if I just do this stuff because I've been around it, or if I've inherited it.

I have a really bad habit of jumping to conclusions before someone has finished what they are actually saying, or explaining what they mean. It has got to the point that cal starts sentences with "before you crack it......", or "don't take this the wrong way......" because invariably I do. And it sucks. I know that I do it, and I hate it. I have to stop it.

My mum does it, and it infuriates me. She cracks it unnecessarily and over reacts to comments made. Have a learned to do it, or have I inherited it? Who knows. I just don't want my daughters learning it. I'm stopping the cycle.

And put that together with my stubbornness. Oh my! What a double. I'm definitely getting a lot better with that. I can back down, walk away and even apologise. But I can still feel that stubbornness overcome me every now and again. That one comes from my dad. Learned or inherited??? I wonder. Whichever, doesn't matter. I'm breaking the cycle. I see it in Bailey already, and I don't like it. Gotta stop that happening. Apparently it's coming out in one of my nieces on that side too. Her mother and I are banding together to break them. Sharing ideas and possible solutions.

So that's my first biggie. And it's not one of those that's going to happen straight away. It will take some work on my part, and some patience on my husbands part (after 16 years of it)....but we'll get there.

That's DEFINITELY a long term goal.

Short term is a lot easier.

Last time in Canada, 2 days before we flew out to come home, I got a little over confident in a snow drift and went arse over and tore my calf muscle. I was about half way up the mountain and had to get taken back down by ski patrol to the awaiting ambulance. Poor Cal had to lug a 5 month old baby, a 3 year old and all the luggage home as I was on crutches and no bloody help. Sue and I were looking forward to wandering up and down Robson St in Vancouver doing a spot of shopping - that was a bust. I had to shoot myself up with Heparin for the flight home as blood clots run in my wasn't at all good.

Short term goal - come home from Canada in one piece. Enjoy myself, but don't hurt myself. I AM NOT GETTING INJURED!!!

Mid term goal - Get Argy Bargy off the ground.

For years I have been to0-ing and fro-ing about sewing and selling my own designs. I have a whole sketch book of ideas which I have never acted upon. I was ready to do it, and then Cal lost his job - not the right time. Then he started work in May, and in about October I had some woven labels made up to make my stuff look a bit more professional.....and that's as far as I've got.

I thought that it was just that I am a Olympic-level procrastinator that is keeping me from doing it. Then after a discussion with one of the school mums towards the end of the year, and some soul searching, I realise that I am just plain scared. What if I fail? What if I succeed? Anxiety. It's one of my biggest hurdles in life - in every part of my life. It sends me crazy at times, and other times it just makes me look like I'm lazy or procrastinating. I'm actually a pretty anxious person.

But after I come back from Canada (injury free), I am going to put my head down and get this going. This goal is that by July/August, when doing my taxes, I can be explaining to the accountant that I need to factor in business expenses (and income hopefully).

And for now, I'm going to leave it there. One short, one medium, one long. After I achieve #1, I'll find another short term goal. I think that the next one will have more to do with creating art - on a personal level.

I've put them out there, and I'm accountable now.

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