Today's Thankful Thought is double-pronged. I didn't expect it to be, but now I know that it is. Neither one can wait until next Thursday, as I am thankful for them right now.
Firstly, I am thankful for Cal. SOOOO thankful for his love and that he chose me. Thankful that he gave me two beautiful girls. Thankful that he puts himself out for us every day. Thankful that he has given us this family life that we can all enjoy, and should be thankful for every day.
Thank you honey.
And now for the second bit......
Today I have had a little bit of a hard day. I start doubting myself as a friend, and start thinking that it's just not worth putting myself out there. I try to be honest with people, but I'm just not sure if it's worth the trouble sometimes. I feel like I've not been worthy, and have broken my own heart in the process. And I don't know why. I have wanted to crawl into a hole all afternoon, and feel as though I have really neglected the kids in the process.
Then I called a couple of people who have been beside me for the years that I have been in Sydney. Those who took away that 'lost' feeling when I moved here. Those who made me feel like I belonged somewhere. And for them, I am thankful.
I am a good friend. They tell me that. One told me that my problem is that I care about people too much. I take their pain into my heart and I worry. BUT.......on the outside I give of a persona of confidence (apparently), and look like I have it all together. So people who don't know me well just don't realise how much I care and give a shit.
Well I am here today to tell you that I do give a shit, and that I don't have it all together. I doubt myself constantly. I hurt. I make mistakes. I forget things. I’m human.
But I try to be honest with my friends, and care. I truly care. So I take in the hurt and pain of others. Maybe a little too much.
I don't have it all together. I'm a mess.
But today I am truly thankful for those friends of mine who understand me, and accept me for who I am.
I will continue to send love out into the universe, and be honest, and will try not to take it to heart if I don't get the same back.